Ah, self reflection – a thorn in my side sometimes…
I realize that I need to refocus because the purpose of this trip has been discarded like a used tissue on the ground. Stop – I wanna get off!
The purpose of this trip is ME. Me, the last person I focus on. Me, the last person I give attention to. Me, the first person who needs focusing on. Which is so funny, its like I’m working at several of my previous jobs – putting what I might require on the back burner, but making sure everyone else has everything they need. I even have tense shoulders. It’s also about recognizing the equality in relationships, whether I’m working for someone or not. Whether male or female, rich or poor, simple or complex. Moving 6000 miles away has not resolved what on the surface I believed to be was a need to dissolve my association with my job field. Maybe what I really needed was to revisit the core truth of this journey — I am the most important person in my life. Curling up in the warmth of this statement does not preclude the importance of others in my life. In reality, it produces more lush and well-balanced relationships. When I navigate away from this core truth, I find the world and my ‘self’ to be a truly hectic place. For the record, I have detoured from my truth and am stuck in a pothole!
The world, in all its hectic glory, is reflecting back to me those difficulties that I have yet to figure out an apt response to. They will continue to appear in one form or another until I find more conducive ways to resolve them. It is a struggle to admit this, but it is a path that I’ve created for myself and now I must continue on while I find an alternative route that’s peaceful, where my effortless responses are immediate and amicable (whether the situation is positive or negative), and where my stance is always undeniably and authentically me.